dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
