Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
