Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
