Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
