i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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