I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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