are you still at the devil's house?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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