I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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