Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Buhtt sex?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
