God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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