Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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