that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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