Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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