I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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