Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
