I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
