When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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