The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
