dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
