You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
