I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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