I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have fence marks all over my body
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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