This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
