so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
