Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
