The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
