if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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