I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
