There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
