So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
