He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
