too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
