Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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