Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
