Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
