yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
