btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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