I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
