Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
