Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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