its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
