Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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