I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
