I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
