why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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