I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
