i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
