he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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