We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
