does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
