So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
