I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
