you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
