This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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