well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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