Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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