I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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