How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
