stop calling my apartment porn island.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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