eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I cut my penus on the lid.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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