Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
