I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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