Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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