So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
