i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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